Time flies. Fulfill your dreams #NOW

oh shit I didn't apply for medical insurance yet....am I gonna get arrested....#breadpakodeforlunch

Pasado by Pablo Neruda

We have to discard the past
and, as one builds
floor by floor, window by window,
and the building rises,
so do we go on throwing down
first, broken tiles,
then pompous doors,
until out of the past
dust rises
as if to crash
against the floor,
smoke rises
as if to catch fire,
and each new day
it gleams
like an empty
plate.
There is nothing, there is always nothing.
It has to be filled
with a new, fruitful
space,
then downward
tumbles yesterday
as in a well
falls yesterday's water,
into the cistern
of all still without voice or fire.
It is difficult
to teach bones
to disappear,
to teach eyes
to close
but
we do it
unrealizing.
It was all alive,
alive, alive, alive
like a scarlet fish
but time
passed over its dark cloth
and the flash of the fish
drowned and disappeared.
Water water water
the past goes on falling
still a tangle
of bones
and of roots;
It has been, it has been, and now
memories mean nothing.
Now the heavy eyelid
covers the light of the eye
and what was once living
now no longer lives;
what we were, we are not.
And with words, although the letters
still have transparency and sound,
they change, and the mouth changes;
the same mouth is now another mouth;
they change, lips, skin, circulation;
another being has occupied our skeleton;
what once was in us now is not.
It has gone, but if they call, we reply:
'I am here', knowing we are not,
that what once was, was and is lost,
is lost in the past, and now will not return.


Tenemos que echar abajo el pasado
y como se construye
piso por piso, ventana a ventana,
y sube el edificio
asi, bajando vamos
primero tejas rotas,
luego orgullosas puertas,
hasta que del pasado
sale polvo
como si se golpeara
contra el suelo,
sale humo
como si se quemara,
y cada nuevo dia
reluce
como un plato
vacio:
no hay nada, no hubo nada:
hay que llenario
de nuevas nutriciones
espaciosas,
entonces, hacia abajo
cae el dia de ayer
como en un pozo
al agua del pasado,
a la cisterna
de lo que ya no tiene voz no fuego.
Es dificil
acostumbrar los huesos
a perderse,
los ojos
a cerrarse
pero
lo hacemos
sin saberlo
todo era vivo,
vivo, vivo, vivo,
como un pez escarlata
pero el tiempo
paso con trapo y noche
y fue borrando
el pez y su latido:
al agua al agua al agua
va cayendo el pasado
aunque se agarre
a espinas
y raices:
se fue se fue y no valen
los recuerdos:
ya el parpado sombrio
cubrio la luz del ojo
y aquello que vivia
ya no vive:
lo que fuimos no somos.
Y la palabra aunque las letras tengan
iguales transparencias y vocales
ahora es otra y es otra la boca:
la misma boca es otra boca ahora:
cambiaron labios, piel, circulaciones,
otro ser ocupo nuestro esqueleto:
aquel que fue en nosotros ya no esta:
se fue, pero si llaman respondemos
'Aqui estoy' y se sabe que no estamos,
que aquel que estaba, estuvo y se perdio:
se perdio en el pasado y ya no vuelve. 

Like the namak ajwan pronthees I made for myself :) #painfulcrampsday

This Mercury retrograde has proven to be very challenging internally. Feeling VERY dark, VERY moody and shed a couple tears today cause I finally couldn't keep it all in: http://darkstarastrology.com/mercury-retrograde/

I'm finally going to Thailand! http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4519604?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Just saw Labor Day #bawling!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and I took biology in high school you ignorant doctor Indians MUUUAAAAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA. maybe the temple should take a math class. 

ain't gonna let the old fat white man stop me from doing what I wanna do yea bloody

so the update is that I wasted about fifty dollars on having transcripts sent to local colleges thus far (two of them did not get back to me about what I need to do to satisfy their prerequisites even though they said they would a couple months ago). I only applied to one school and got rejected because I did not have college algebra (aaaahhahhahahhahhahhahaaaaaaaa!!) bloody on my transcript. Thank God the application was free. So now I changed my mind and decided to do my teacher certification in physics instead because this way I do not have to take college algebra and geometry and god knows what else. This route is at-least-headache free. YEA!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k18GzeCpkTY

Lol: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4757404?ir=Women

this woman is my hero: http://thegrio.com/2014/01/31/thegrios-100-tanya-fields-activist-for-food-justice/

94 more dollars for an ebook for class....sigh..

so I'm going on a road trip with my girlfriends soon. we are going to drive together, sing songs loudly in the car, guffaw whenever we want, drink coffee, hump everything in sight and basically be each others' stress releases and creative juice. I cannot wait. I love going for long, long drives and seeing trees for miles on end and being one with nature with loved ones. Luckily, my digestive system is being cleansed before I go. When nature calls, it calls this is the spiritual life.

OHHHHHHHH I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU LIKE YOU WANT ME TO AND I'LL HOLD YOU TIGHT BABY AAALLLL THROUGH THE NIGHT I'LL MAKE LOVE TO YOU YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYAAYYAYYAYYAYAAAAAA

OH BALLE BALLE OH BALLE BALLE OH BALLE BALLE NI TOL PUNJABAN DI OH BALLE OH BALLE!!!!!!!!!!

eat pizza: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/10/italian-food-better-life_n_4747260.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

See this is what sadly happens, so scary. Personally I liked the final look I thought it was quite artistic: http://dailycurrant.com/2014/02/08/man-responsible-for-olympic-ring-mishap-found-dead-in-sochi/

Shared by the Endometriosis Awareness campaign on FB. I feel like I've spent my entire life calculating how much energy I have, will have or will not have: http://invisibleillnessbattle.wordpress.com/2013/09/07/6-things-about-chronic-pain-you-didnt-know-you-knew/

Hallelujer: I hate this effing world: http://m.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/02/what-great-artists-need-solitude/283585/

today I fed my soul by stopping at Gaby et Jules for the first time in Sq Hill and getting three macaroons: pistachio and almond for me and white chocolate with basil for mom. Then I got my fill of Cochin Masala Chai and some crystallized ginger in dark chocolate. one must feed one's soul to avoid drought. 

Creating music today : )

Lord Ganesha, the Remover of Obstacles <3
Pic: Tom Moran

Artistry: http://www.boredpanda.com/pixel-art-from-found-objects-famous-paintings-plastic-classics-jane-perkins/

http://www.fedupusa.org/2014/02/28-signs-that-the-middle-class-is-heading-toward-extinction/

I'm movin to Tennessee. I'll finally get to see the Elephant Sanctuary!! <3

Anybody want 2 free years of community college? http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/05/education/tennessee-governor-urges-2-free-years-of-community-college-and-technical-school.html?hpw&rref=education&_r=2

I'm having a moment where I'm feeling really depressed, have little self-esteem, am wondering what the hell I'm living for, skipped class, sinuses are stuffy (roads are bad anyway), cannot concentrate whatsoever and am trying to finish a take home exam. And my tid is jiggling. My struggling friend is on my mind and there are two more events I have to create in the near future and I made the ceiling leak today. Drinking coffee and looking forward to daal, masala chicken and rice for dinner and listening to sad hindi songs. Only Jagjit Singh can give hope to the sad heart. One continues on doing what they have to do even if they don't know why. #thisislife

15 Thigs that Emotionally Strong People Do: http://elitedaily.com/life/15-things-that-emotionally-strong-people-dont-do/

This is the right thinking: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12198/10-awesome-life-changes-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-losing-weight.html

how a narcissist is considered charming I still do not understand: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201106/how-spot-narcissist

Hey everybody look I'm waiting for the bus I'm so responsible yea bloody

Stupid sexist fart judge. You shouldn'tve eaten so much for breakfast idiot cause then you wouldn't be farting so much.

4 dollars a fucking day at the stupid lot at the bottom of the hill which I couldn't even park at cause I couldn't walk up the hill cause my plantar fasciitis was SO bad so I had to park on the street some days and got a few tickets and when I contested them the stupid fart judge said 'you should have gotten a friend to drop you to work if you couldn't take the bus.' what?!???!??!?! eff the parking court. I got students to tutor after work And dance practice to go to I'm not gonna wait for the fuckin bus. Fuck fuck fu fuck fuck fu fuckin fuck fucker fuck. Girl's gotta pay her rent bloody hell.

and guess who got paid every week [by UPMC.] the dork company who hired three of us to work on this stupid assignment.

how the fuck does the CEO of UPMC make half a million dollars a month. the WORST thing I ever did was to work in their [UPMC's] legal department for three months on a temp assignment (J.D. REQUIRED) making $14/hr full time and also pay for parking. the dumbest legal department you have ever come across I tell you: https://www.facebook.com/MakeItOurUPMC

It takes a really long time to see this but I'm beginning to see how I really am responsible for the peace in my life. I can decide how much peace I want to feel in any given moment. I'm actually starting to feel it. I'm actually starting to see how my thoughts affect the current moment. I feel like I have more control of the moment.

I am nonveg and also most definitely nonwhite.

Some people just get a little too titillated when they see someone who is nonwhite: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4692049

This is heaven: http://www.thisismarvelous.com/i/52-National-Flags-Made-From-Each-Countrys-Traditional-Foods

Awful: http://iacknowledge.net/company-fires-employee-two-hours-after-learning-she-has-cancer/

http://m.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/01/highly-educated-highly-indebted-the-lives-of-todays-27-year-olds-in-charts/283263/

Great advice my mentor gave me this week: Release the thought that something is missing from your life.

It's the aaaaage of Aquarius : )

getting older is FAR worse than I thought....it is hell..

In learning about the five psychological engines that drive adolescent growth, I realize that I'm still in the Opposition phase.

an old favorite I haven't played in a while: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H99FM6S8rU

Lol too funny!!!!!! http://constantlyeffed.tumblr.com/post/72725640755/ten-things-your-single-friends-are-tired-of-hearing

Welcome to the Indian pantry: http://www.carlyinthekitchen.com/caught-on-camera-a-love-affair-with-lentils/

Hey everybody look! I claimed my entire $350,000 house as a business expense!!! And I'm makin everyone pay for all my 'other expenses'!!! Yea everybody!!! I'm the American turd!!!! #Ihatethesepeoplewithaheartfeltpassion.  MUUAAAAUHHHHHAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAA

I'm not working from Greece or Bali yet or making a lot of money but I feel very fulfilled and rewarded by being my own boss. It's hard for me to work for anybody :P http://elitedaily.com/money/entrepreneurship/why-you-should-be-your-own-boss-10-reasons-you-should-work-for-yourself/

YUM

Lots of cooking happening in the kitchen tonight. Good job everybody keep workin :)

Wow!!: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4659562?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

I ate three gobi paranthas with sweet mango pickle and honey greek yogurt today : ) YUM

and they're brand new!!

Original cost of my textbooks at the book store would have been: $410*
Total cost at amazon.com including shipping: $237

Woohoo!

One believes that she is beautiful only because she sees her reflection in Shiva ~

Shani (Saturn) can be a brutal force. Construct wisely.

Death to the order!!!!!!

Sometimes I have these deep moments of regret about how I could have done everything so perfectly in my life but didn't. But you just have to step out of that cycle for a moment and realize that everything you did is Perfection. Behind it all is a magical story, a story of terror and great love, a background of such magnificence and splendid grace that the orderly and mundane turn out to be the real terror, the real horrific story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXUsllGG2oA&list=RDS-Vg1hG68zI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmTFXzkD32s

and last but not least, we revisit the famous video of a Punjabi guy getting yelled at by his Punjabi mom....welcome to the Punjabis....don't record yourself at home people: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar384W9ggSo

and then it was time for me to leave the kitchen because I sensed a minor flirtation..

tonight my dad greatly praised the bengan my mom made....I continue to be surrounded by picky, male divas....lol

reading stories of young people being killed or wounded in conflict and accidents is so heartbreaking, so horrific..I feel that life should revolve around kids and helping them as much as possible so that we can avoid the tragedy and the heartbreak..peace

I'm gonna have to start wearing pink shirts everyday to get my confidence back..

Welcome to America: http://nypost.com/2014/01/19/cops-beat-elderly-man-after-he-jaywalked/

Made my Valentine's day plans and thankfully no man is involved. Peace is mine : ]

and sorry if you have college algebra on your transcript, I just can't talk to you....smh..

feeling grateful for the warmth we have in our lives gives us more warmth. what would we do without Lasko ceramic tower heaters? feeling hot..

life is short, be silly ; )

See it came off : )

Getting ready to celebrate Lohdi this weekend : ) the pieces of nailpolish on my skin will come off in the shower I'm about to take after my 25 min on the bike cause lord knows I don't feel like exercising >: [

During this past summer, I could feel that the coming year was going to be a tough one emotionally for me. I just had a feeling. Never in my life have I felt such rage. I have been absorbed in Lord Shiva and his Black Rage. I know that the next few months will continue to be Angry.

This hurts my heart: http://money.cnn.com/2014/01/14/news/economy/children-jobless/

For the confused: Never been married, never had kids. I'm a hypochondriac remember. Argh. You always to have say these things to keep the bobbleheads away.

guess what I had for dinner : ) makki di roti and saag and lima beans!!!! with earth balance butter!!!! <3

I repeat myself I repeat myself.....I repeat I repeat....I repeat myself I repeat myself I repeat.....myself....

I repeat myself..I can't talk to anyone who doesn't know any other language than English..a thorough, intricate knowledge of music will count as another language..

watch the white man tell me how to behave...

http://www.grassrootsy.com/2011/03/30/what-exactly-does-a-full-time-artist-do-all-day-an-interview-with-e-may/

Om

And....at last.....after sitting still through it all (and after 30 minutes on the elliptical and a nice shower)....we come to the final sound, the origin. We come to a place of Stillness. And Peace. We come to the sound OM, where it all began.

this is considered plus size lol. good god: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/plus-sized-models?src=soc_fcbks

Moongfali di khushboo
te gurh di mithaas
makki di roti
te sarson da saag
dil di khushi te
apneya da pyar
mubarak hove tuhanu
lohri da tyohar!!

Happy Lohri!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/12/operation-safety-net-documentary-_n_4581959.html?ref=topbar

Oh man..we've been going through a Venus retrograde..no wonder it's been rough..

My mom has never had a pedicure or manicure or massage or anything in this country and she's been here for 34 years. NEVER. Her whole being went to her family, community, work and survival. I'm going to do everything I can to make her dreams come true and one day in the near future, I'm going to get her the Queen Service. After all she is truly a Punjabi Diva at Heart (TRUST me she is lol). #makinmomsdreamscometrueandhavingfunwhiledoingit.

~ Peace

what is luv! baby don't huuuurrtt me....don't hurrrrtt me.....no more......what is luv! let us learn to phorgive..<3

new colors today: two coats of Cover Girl crushed berries and one coat of Opi silver shatter. yay!

with a little more cleaning house, we'll be number 1 someday : ) yay! http://www.policymic.com/articles/78351/10-cities-where-you-re-most-likely-to-achieve-the-american-dream

thank you Mayor Peduto!

trading an old sweater at Plato's closet for Lady Gaga Fame 2.5 oz lotion: - 62 cents
stopping at Victoria's Secret for Midnight Exotics sensual jasmine lotion, eye shadow quad and cream blush: $10.97
stop at Charlotte Russe for hair donut: $2.13

feelin like a flamenca on a low day: priceless

khichadi for lunch (sniffle sniffle)

online classes started today....thank god I was about to kill somebody..

it's been a week and my nailpolish has stayed on through all the handwashing!: one coat of Sally Hansen continuous treatment growth, two coats of Revlon Raven Red, one coat of Opi Gold Shatter, and one coat of Borghese Presto fast dry top coat. voila!

ta ring ting ting ting....ta ring ting ting ding ding ding ding! ta ring ting ting ting....ta ring ting ting.

http://www.trueactivist.com/how-to-easily-heat-your-home-using-flower-pots-tea-lights/

#relearningtofeedmySpiritthesedays

my aim for 2014 and 2015: to be a conflict-free zone