More than a couple but less than a few years ago, I started taking an antidepressant. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I gained a bunch of extra weight after starting it. I had been puzzled by my weight gain for quite some time as it's not like my diet really changed. Maybe I ate a little more out of depression, but it wasn't enough to warrant a gaining of forty pounds in a year. After talking with my doctor friend recently whose mother also gained a bunch of weight after starting an antidepressant, I am convinced that it is because of this little help-me-feel-better-and-function medicine that I am not where I want to be weightwise. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience because combined with life experiences, I felt like Madea. Totally fun.

Being off the birth control pill has brought me closer to my True Self. I wanted to get off of it a few years ago like I want to take a heavy suit, high heels and makeup off after a long day of business or schmoozing. I just wanted to get it the eff off of me. What a journey it has been since then. Totally painful and totally erotic. I continue to face my wounds and heal them and also have fun and live and learn at the same time.

~ Peace 

Please note: the following is a bit graphic.

Yesterday was a rough day but kinda not really any rougher than others. After getting back from the East side and calling family friends about the school stabbing and then going to them with my mother to sit with them so the kids could process their emotions, I got back to my house to get my notes so I could drive to class and prepare for my exam. I got my period. Anyhoo, I grabbed everything and was eager to leave because I had a lot to do. As I was nearing the school building, I felt a lot of blood flow come out of me all of a sudden. It wasn't painful but I felt that I needed to go to the bathroom immediately. I parked the car, grabbed my stuff and went quickly to the bathroom. There I noticed that my pad was completely overdrenched to the point of bleeding into my underwear and also my sweatpants. This hasn't happened to me in a long time. I thought crap now I have to take care of this and can't study.

I quickly drove to a Target which wasn't nearby but I had to because I needed new pants (didn't have any in the car), underwear and pads (I only had one in my purse with me). Once I got to Target, I bought comfy black pants and a 52 pack of Always pads. After paying with my Target redcard, I went into the target bathroom to change. But then when I got in the stall, I realized I forgot to buy underwear. doh! so I pulled my pants up again and went to get some underwear. I bought a couple undies on clearance that were mad cheap!! Less than $2 each. Then I went into the bathroom again, cleaned up, changed, threw my old underwear and sweatpants in the garbage and drove on again. I stopped at Rite Aid on the way and picked up two bottles of gatorade because I was feeling a little weak and faint (and some bounce sheets too) and paid. Since I had $6UP reward, the total was minimal. yea baby.

Then I was ready to get back to class but ended up missing the exit. aahhhh!!!! I went a little too far. So I said 'fuck it I'm jus gonna stop at this McDonald's I see right here.' I went in, got a vanilla milkshake which I hadn't drank in so long, drank my gatorade and started studying. Phew. I had less than an hour and a half, did as much memorizing as I could, then drove to class and took the exam. I feel like I did pretty well : )

Today, I was so fatigued. Mom brought besan pooda and chai and ibuprofen for me while I was resting and napping all day in bed. I finally got out of bed around 2, took a shower, ate Thomas multi-grain muffins with part-skim mozzarella cheese from Trader Joe's and drank more chai. I also put up gel stickers on the window for Spring and Easter. I'm going to Rite Aid now to get Tom's of Maine toothpaste on sale with my coupons. Probably gonna be up late tonight.

Last week, I had a hormone rebalancing acupuncture treatment. That's probably why I've been feeling funky. The rebalancing continues....

: ]

I personally do not like lavishness but kids should not live this way either: http://news.distractify.com/culture/childrens-bedrooms-across-the-world/?v=1

hold your horses, April is a rocky month full of eclipses: http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/04/04/when-is-the-total-eclipse-what-time-is-the-eclipse-bay-area-blood-moon-lunar-eclipse-visible-april-15th-beginning-rare-series-of-eclipses/

so everybody, the stabbings and shootings in schools continue..now it has struck in my own hometown. Interestingly, I have a juvenile delinquency exam today. 

Deep, purposeful breathing this morning felt amazing..

Mars retrograde in my 8th is driving me insane: http://www.moonvalleyastrologer.com/mars-transits/

homework due in 2.5 hours..I'm about to get my period and I don't know whether to take three ibuprofens or chug a glass of wine to calm myself down or both..

I would like to hire a bored middle class swinger from India to do my grocery shopping from now on..

looks like swinger activity is on the rise again in India these days..

my famous smoothie:

almond milk + 1 apple + 1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter + sunflower (or pumpkin) seeds + 6 cubes of ice : )

when you're young you can tolerate great pain. but once you're in your 30's, one NEEDS a morphine drip just so they can function. ugh.

I cherish the painful Indian head massages I got from my dad as a kid and teenager before bed : / down memory lane..they weren't quite like this but I like this guy's flair: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=geLtFCxDs40

all of a sudden Kraft Mexican cheese is $5.79 today. After many years of eating this shit, I will never buy it again. Hopefully a Trader Joe's will come near my house soon. 

$6.39 for hormone infested cheese!!!!!! at least I have 13 cents off a gallon..

needed almond milk so went quickly to Giant Eagle:

1 Kraft 16oz Mexican shredded cheese: a whopping $6.39!!!!!!!
but with a 75 cent coupon doubled, it comes to: $4.89
1 Silk Almond milk: $3.69
with a $1.00 off coupon: $2.69

the total with no tax: $7.58

'savings': $2.50 = the afternoon coffee I'm gonna drink today as I finish my teen psych paper!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!

There is a special love between one who performs on stage and the audience. They are one and the same. ~

I'm sorry but being a morning person looks scary: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5044818?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

if America just put bidets in its bathrooms, we would save so much money by not having to buy toilet paper. In my first home that I'm gonna make by myself, I'm gonna have a bidet. #doitIndianstyle

so yesterday I went to a Mental Health America clinic to apply for medical insurance. After several unsuccessful attempts online at healthcare.gov and over the phone, I finally got an appt for help. I tried logging online with a couple old accounts and a couple new accounts I created there and was still unsuccessful!!!! Even the lady was frustratingly perplexed! She even created an account herself on gmail and healthcare.gov with her own-made username and password and was unsuccessful and couldn't figure it out. What was I to do?! You can hardly ever get anyone on the phone either. Anyhoo, she ended up calling some line and got through and left my name and number and I'm supposed to get a call back in 5 to 7 days. But I technically applied by the due date so I will suffer no penalties. See?!?! Even she was confused. Bad system. What a depressing appointment.