So today I was having my 5th and 6th grade students finish a worksheet they were working on last week and I had to tell one of the girls to turn the music off on her iTablet? I have no idea what that is but it is a huge phone. She was playing a song on it and I had to ask her like five times to turn the music off. She finally turned it off and then they were working on their worksheets. I was looking at my teacher notes and then out of nowhere the girls asked me about the n word. They asked about its meaning and if it's ok to use that word or something else/like that I can't remember. Like what does the n word mean in this song when they say it like that. I just said nicely and firmly that I don't know exactly what it means but please don't use that word in front of me. And that was that. I got home and had a lot of intense emotions. One feels intense anxiety from time to time. My tendency is to close up and so I just lay in my room for a while. But then while on the bike, I was watching Tiny House Builders on HGTV with mom and she always gives me this look when she knows something is up or I'm feeling odd. So I just opened up and told her a couple things I was feeling stressed about in my life and I felt a lot better. I felt much less guilt. It's funny how some of the things you feel terribly about your parents just shoo it away or laugh it off. Amazing how the mind works. It can be a dark plunge into an endless hole of needless suffering. Just talk to someone. while you're exercising : ] #looking to the light