so today I went to a friend's daughter's graduation party. I don't know if it it's because people were crying tears of joy and emotion there or because I've been feeling odd in general, but just now I blew up and started crying and screaming about how I feel crazy and don't know where I'm going with my life. I'm so angry. While those guys are off expanding their careers and fulfilling their dreams, I'm sitting here with ten dollars in my account and fucking $1150* in credit card debt. I still need to lose thirty pounds....I feel awful about myself....I feel betrayed. I'm seeing weird things in my mind.... I wonder how my parents kept it together throughout their lives. Anyway, I bawled and screamed like a mad person and then threw up and mom of course is there. Who else. Mom is always there. I think I'm still sick.

At least I get to teach a two hour dance class tomorrow. Lord knows what the hell I'm doing <bawling>

* which is my credit card and which by the way I have been charged something like $35 a year just for membership fee (Capital One) and probably close to $200 in interest over the last two and half years. Hopefully I can pay this off this summer because I am definitely not renewing for another year. They immediately charged me $35? each in 5? over the limit fees near the beginning and I negotiated all of them.why the hell should I pay? that would have cost me like $170 and I paid $0. Bloody!!!