if I could I would spend my whole life naked in a tub drenched in olive oil with ladies rubbing chocolate all over me..

oh and Love Lettuce 60g: $6.95

bought an amazing exfoliator from Lush today for my combination skin: Dark Angels. quarter pound = $14.50. cheaper than the Clinique exfoliator I've been using for years which is 3.4 oz! when you can't afford a facial, this is a great solution! will definitely help me through the summer..

http://www.superstarmagazine.com/tattoo-artist-gives-women-a-new-hope-of-loving-their-bodies-again-this-is-epic/#

Ban Lan Gen Chong Ji (this stuff cleans out the viral infection in your system amazingly well) and two week cleansing: Whole Body Integrative Cleansing System and Klaire Labs pro-biotic complex. No sugar, no wheat. Lord.

Spending lots of time in the car today..listening to Snatam Kaur..Ram Ram Hari Ram..staying peaceful..

oh my god so glad we didn't go swimming this evening like we were planning to....witnessing the loud buttcrack of thunder..whoa!

Mercury Retrograde June 2014: http://darkstarastrology.com/mercury-retrograde/

spending the day in Pajamas....no dance lesson, feel awful, feet swollen..thank God I have acu tomorrow..making changes, this is not going to be an easy mercury retrograde..

drinking Yogi super green tea....and had sakanjavee....what do I want? chocolate chips? potato chips? an orange? red wine? a piece of bread? basil leaves? to sleep not to sleep? ....I want to eat everything ....#anger personified

this made me smile : ]

so today I went to a friend's daughter's graduation party. I don't know if it it's because people were crying tears of joy and emotion there or because I've been feeling odd in general, but just now I blew up and started crying and screaming about how I feel crazy and don't know where I'm going with my life. I'm so angry. While those guys are off expanding their careers and fulfilling their dreams, I'm sitting here with ten dollars in my account and fucking $1150* in credit card debt. I still need to lose thirty pounds....I feel awful about myself....I feel betrayed. I'm seeing weird things in my mind.... I wonder how my parents kept it together throughout their lives. Anyway, I bawled and screamed like a mad person and then threw up and mom of course is there. Who else. Mom is always there. I think I'm still sick.

At least I get to teach a two hour dance class tomorrow. Lord knows what the hell I'm doing <bawling>

* which is my credit card and which by the way I have been charged something like $35 a year just for membership fee (Capital One) and probably close to $200 in interest over the last two and half years. Hopefully I can pay this off this summer because I am definitely not renewing for another year. They immediately charged me $35? each in 5? over the limit fees near the beginning and I negotiated all of them.why the hell should I pay? that would have cost me like $170 and I paid $0. Bloody!!!

what's a single girl supposed to do on a Sat night? I don't know....create another event? what do I do with myself..my idea of having an Indian food stall at the Three Rivers Arts festival next year got shot down by my mom....: ( lol

Enjoyed a beautiful drive to California, PA in the sun # got my Vitamin D...off to Artists market in Point State Park

WOW: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/04/carmen-de-lavallade-stylelikeu-video_n_5447069.html?utm_hp_ref=black-voices

I'm Not In It: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Full-Episode-Conversation-With-Oprah-and-Maya-Angelou-Video

I shoulda done this. Especially since if people don't get what they want from me they start lashing out at me. And I would only charge $50/hr: http://us.ilovevideo.tv/lifestyle/professional-cuddler-charges-$80-per-hour-374616-20482

I love all religions and my greatest religion is nature, compassion and service. My naanke (mom's parents) were strict Radha Soami. They were close to Guru Charan Singh and were involved with the biggest volunteer hospital in India in Beas (my Nani's (mom's mom) ashes were also scattered in the Beas River...it was one of the most beautiful, peaceful ceremonies I ever witnessed). My relatives in England are also strict Radha Soami and they do a lot of service in one of the biggest Radha Soami centers there. My mom did not grow up with a temple in the house yet she fell in love with Durga and married my father, who comes from a family of Shiva worshippers. In essence, I love service and my greatest religion is Humanity ~

FR Graduation today: #was in this same spot fifteen years ago

the Channel 11 news is here lol!

pelvis was tilted, left side up, right side down, no wonder I was looking sexy..# had a healing massage 

scheduled a massage today..got paid yesterday..first timers get 10% off : ) ..just had my mango lassi : )

as we all know, the reason why some men garden avidly is because they can't give birth like women can and seeing plants grow satisfies them..

yes honey we have Chand Balis....

aiming to be this peaceful, non-yelling, non-irritated woman who knows her boundaries and wouldn't make a single mistake in her personal life by now and be on her way to be one of the best mediators ever is now I feel unrealistic....it is now the fakest shit I ever heard and even though, I've been stellar at not making assumptions throughout my life, this one mistake cost me a layer of grief. How unnecessary! The only way you can be peaceful and quiet and constipated-looking is if you have tons of money in your bank account and get massages every day like the fucked up Indians in India have and do. And then they have maids and cooks. What the hell do the women do? Get pedicures everyday. And then they look at us (I know I rant about this all the time) who are actually working and who aren't worthless pieces of shit [like them] like we're crazy. Anyhoo, I gotta go today like I do twice a week and tutor on the most uncomfortable chairs for five hours straight for $10 an hour. And am I starting school on Monday or not? Lord knows. How the hell would I know? I haven't seen the University I got accepted to and not up to going today.

I need some money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.trueactivist.com/gab_gallery/first-world-problems-read-by-third-world-children/

Spoiled Indian kid complaining about Indian food at the party and wants oily pizza instead? Get out!!!!!!!!!

thank you Marshall's!

in my heart of hearts, I feel like Radha and Sita - obviously we don't need Rama to understand who Sita is. #working on dance

http://m.fastcompany.com/3026817/leadership-now/4-habits-of-the-most-resilient-people?utm_source=facebook

watching Vicky Christina Barcelona again tonight...love that movie...nails done in Sally Hansen Kook-A-Mango [on Sunday] : ]

the ovaries are the source of Creation for a woman. We need to be in tune with our ovaries in order to create authentically and be healthy. This world is too attuned to testicles. Especially a white man's testicles. Women must remove the testicular function they absorbed into their systems by working in a white man's world. Only then can we hear our True Inner Voices and Create an Integrated Woman in a New, Integrated System. 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2014/06/8-guys-you-must-never-under-any-circumstances-fall-in-love-with/

listening to Nikhil Banerjee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5iah4HvdT0

$20,500 in direct unsubsidized loan! woohoo!

http://boyfactor.com/8-openly-homophobic-companies-avoid/

Had a lovely weekend and spent all day today in my pajamas...fell asleep around 8:30? and then woke up am hour ago thirsty and needing to take Robitussin. I've been feeling pressure again in lower back near my left ovary and when it gets to be a lot, I feel fatigued and need to support my back with pillows. I have been observing the thoughts that occur when I feel this. Basically I observe my thoughts and angers all the time. Further observation is that my energy has limits. I don't have the ability or energy to engage in drama or more irritation. Sometimes certain people/conditions come up in my mind and I start feeling irritated and the pressure again. Warning! Today I almost felt a burning. It's like my body is burning the past, dissolving it and teaching me balance. Truly, thinking about the future is such a waste of time.

Trying to go to sleep now and aiming to walk tomorrow and starting antibiotic ~

beautiful salmon cooking:

Recommended Vitamin D dose by family doctor: 50,000 IU per week for 12 weeks. Then down to 1,000 IU. Hopefully I'll stop having bad dreams.

Pooja ~ An Evening of Prayers ~ Prayer Food ~ 

You can't say no to 'Indian donuts' (Balu Shahi)

Making a big pot of tea. If I wasn't being asked to make tea real fast, I woulda put the tea bags in the water AFTER the water starts boiling : )

Indian style : )

When life gives you bullets, plant flowers: http://www.boredpanda.com/tear-gas-flower-pots-palestine/

delicious kheer made : )

this is my portion : )

this woman states that canola oil is a 'recent entrant into the Indian market' ....but isn't canola oil a traditional Indian cooking oil? > : | (scratching my head) http://cooks.ndtv.com/article/show/the-best-cooking-oils-for-your-health-452462

this lady does not like Smart Balance but unfortunately some of us have to watch our cholesterol levels: http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/there-is-nothing-smart-about-smart-balance/

lots of groceries and paper products in the van: $$$$

keeping dinner simple today: a bowl of daal with an english muffin and smart balance (one of my most favorite things ever):

it is predicted to be a rainy summer so be prepared..

Can't believe she's gone: http://m.fastcompany.com/3031158/bottom-line/a-legacy-of-leadership-maya-angelou-1928-2014

getting lashed out at by opportunists continues....

When you feel internally irritated when someone calls asking about dance classes for their not even yet three year old, it's time for things to change. Maybe it [the fact that I got irritated] was because she was Indian. 

I was just taking a nice nap and was about to kiss someone in my dream when my mom interrupted to tell me my blood test results came in and everything is pretty normal, only vitamin D deficient. [and abs seg neutrophils and wbc count is elevated. body is fighting infection. and what is alkaline phosphatase that is elevated.] Joy. Off to the accountant.

Unfortunately Joe the plumber only has guns to look forward to after work: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5397981?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

15 Cities for Creatives: http://www.policymic.com/articles/89659/15-cities-for-creative-20-somethings-that-aren-t-new-york-or-los-angeles?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social

so this last year I came to the epiphany that I will never have a best friend relationship like the one Oprah and Gayle have. I always felt I was Oprah throughout my life but I'm finding that the Gayles change. I actually like it this way. I don't want a best gf and would rather have all my girlfriends equidistant from me, as me in the Center, and all of them circling around me. Cause in any given moment you need all of them and you also don't need any of them. They're all pieces of your heart and you need all of them.

I have decided to go back to my old geisha ways and whatever guy I'm hanging out with that's gonna be my bf.

# feeling much more lighthearted and relieved after talking about my emotions and stresses with my mom. phew. 

three bean burritos + 1 black bean burrito + one brownie (never tried this at Taco Bell) = $6.79 for dinner for two girls. yummy.

last night I watched 12 Years a Slave. It was incredibly painful to watch. I was thinking after the movie was over and I was watching HGTV and how couples were in relationship working on surviving how incredibly immature cruelty is. Slashing and killing people for millennia just seems so barbaric and stupid and so fucked up!!!! why weren't people just concentrating on growing in their relationships instead and doing community activities. I think the people who are hateful don't even know what they're doing and obviously they hate themselves.

in sum, please keep the doctors away from me. I repeat myself I repeat myself. I repeat. I repeat. I repeat myself I repeat myself.

Paper cutter 40% off at Joann Fabrics bloody: $23.99

yes it is true. I never bargained in my life. I may have gotten scammed in India but I'd rather be scammed $20 than be a fuckin cheapskate. I do my research and I see what prices are reasonable and what are not. I make sure to understand what I'm buying and what the ingredients are. And if I'm offered a deal, a coupon or whatever I take advantage of it. I'm technically poor that's why I take advantage of coupons and deals. If I wasn't poor who cares, go ahead and buy whatever groceries I want I wouldn't care. But the wonder remains - how are [some] engineers able to not be beggars, to buy their wives their engagement rings, pay for half their wedding costs (especially when their fathers are dead), keep their family home standing in India, send money to struggling relatives in India, help pay for their sisters' weddings and do all of this by the age of 30. And 35 years later, they're still helping their relatives, helping their kids with no pension or hardly any future savings. And of course you're wondering why would any Indian daughter of this kind of man want a doctor? Of course I wouldn't. I have never dated a doctor and never will. Obviously not all doctors are incompetent, but I just never have been attracted to an Indian doctor. The struggling businessman? The man without a parent? That is more enticing. 

unfortunately, I think the hassling by Indian psychognats of a struggling businesswoman and her nuclear engineer husband isn't gonna end in the near future.....help..

also keep in mind that two martinis = $20. not including tip! the sacrifice of two martinis will guarantee you an already incredibly reasonably priced sari plus your dignity. voila.

beautiful lamb curry being made:

http://wakeup-world.com/2013/09/24/5-uses-for-spent-coffee-grounds/

chicken and green beans with cashews and kaale chunne for dinner : )

yeh duniya agar mil bhi jaye tho kya hai..

Enjoying a hot chocolate with chocolate marshmallows at Panera with a girlfriend :)

speaking of sales, I worked at this telemarketing company for a couple months one summer when I desperately needed money. I remember being on the phone asking for money from people with various types of personalities for various nonprofit organizations. this one customer INSISTED that I call him doctor. I accidentally called him Mr. so and so and then he corrected me and said 'Doctor.' Then the second time I called him Mr. so and so again and he said 'Doctor.' I wanted to take the phone and beat his chin with it. What a doosh. 

I could go on and on about the psychognats who have hounded my mother's boutique table at various events over the past twenty years in America. Just this year, when I went to help my mom at one of her shows, a lady came up to the table (can you believe that I actually help my mom as a saleslady sometimes? csomeone who has no patience with people's stupid nakhre has actually learned to control herself....amazing....) and she sees a pair of earrings which I think were $42. She pointed and looked at them and I described the earrings to her a bit very nicely (because I trusted her to be normal) and then she looked at me and then at the earrings again and she said 'how about '20.' I was in shock. I honestly felt like I lost my breath. On realizing how stupid and undeserving this lady was, I said dramatically turning my hands almost in a flower mudra 'aap free ke liye le jao' (why don't you just take it for free) and smiled discreetly. I actually suggested to this woman in my artsy fartsy fashion that if she wanted to behave like a gnat at my mother's boutique table, then she might as well want to be treated like a donation project at this wonderful Eid show. Anyway, I had to repeat my 'aap free ke liye le jao' line a couple more times, and as the lady and a young girl standing next to her looked at me in shock, I felt proud that I was finally able to deal with a gnat with such patience and ease and flair. I told my mom and she smiled. I've come a long way.

and we only give up to $2 discounts now if you ask!! or if there's a 10% off sale you can get it for a little cheaper. 

I hope to one day run a marathon and I'll have to start out with a short one: http://endometriosis-uk.org/louises-story

So I removed this pastor from my Facebook friends list after I read his anti gay comments and something I couldn't understand about the antiChrist. But do I remove the girl who confidently talks about her pussy and keeps using the n word? That is the question.

thank God my sister is gonna be a pediatrician she won't be makin that much..phew..

life is short and unpredictable. stress just isn't worth it. my uncle had two heart attacks this month and my heart really broke. my philosophy now is rest well but do whatever you want. you have to take control of your life and ignite your passions Love Insatiably and Just Live. 

so recently I changed the age range under my eharmony settings from 30 to 54 to 30 to 42. I talked to an older nice fellow a little bit on the phone but then I just couldn't continue because the heart continues to yearn for a younger person. such punishment life is. the love/hate for 30-something and young 40-somethings continues. 

LOLOLOLOLOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7G9myzMDVk

I WILL NEVER in my life ever again have a girlfriend or talk to a girlfriend (I've had two so far like this) who is struggling in a relationship with an Indian doctor. Those turd doctors have cost me so much frustration I can't tell you. Spoiled little rats who didn't who haven't done jack shit, wandering around like total idiots (heyyyyy everybody!!!!! look at me!!!!!! I'm in a plane and I'm goin to DISNEY WORLD!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!! and now I'm fucking some stupid girl!!!!!! yayyyyyy!!!!) unable to make a commitment in a relationship or give a ring....seriously some of these doctor families need to grow the fuck up and you girls need to stop wasting my time. Jesus Christ.


-------------------------------------------------------

And a stop at Giant Eagle next door:

2 packs of Reed's premium ginger brew: 2 for $7
2 packages of strawberries: 2 for $7
2 natural land o lakes dozen eggs: 2 for $5
4 red delicious apples: $3.90
1 100 oz seventh generation laundry detergent: $14.99

with $2 off laundry detergent: $36.09

and 10 cents off my gas *********

You knew this was gonna happen today at RA:

1 Starbucks strawberry lemonade refresher: $1.59
1 Skintimate shave gel 7oz.: $2.79
another one: $2.79

with $1.00 off buy 2 Skintimate and one get one free Starbucks refresher coupon from RA (never tried this before) and $4 UP total comes to:

20 cents!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhaaaahhhhhahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa

Unfortunately they don't carry Seventh Generation laundry detergent :(

bought my tickets to see Russell Peters : ) Seeing him for the second time live after like ten years. I am gonna pee in my pants!!!!!!!!!!! Pocahotass lmao

http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-gbowee-nigeria-kidnappings-women-girls-20140514-story.html

And a stop at Rite Aid: (little tipsy excuse sp)

1 Charmin Basic 20 roll: $10.39
1 Optifree express 2 10oz bottles: $14.79

With $3 Optifree coupon: $23.09

And $4UP for buying Optifree

Stop at Target:

Archer farms reduced fat potato chips: $2.99
Starbucks 8 ct instant Colombian: $7.39
Dark chocolate Ghirardelli mix: $2.19
6 pack Oral B toothbrushes: $8.49

With $1.00 Starbucks coupon off instant and red card, total: $19.06

Lesson learned: keep few friends and work more.

I swear to God I saw Karan Johar on eharmony....

pidi pompi everybody..

ah yes, remember the Indian businessman from Pimpri who spent 14,000 pounds to make a shirt out of gold? This is why it sucks to date Indians: https://medium.com/guy-posts/e188f24955fd

Oh my god it finally happened. I had a dream that I met this nice guy on a plane and then we shared a hotel room and had sex. I finally had sex!! in my dream!!

http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/19/opinion/wan-bias-against-asians/index.html

PA legalizes same-sex marriage today. Thank God I desperately needed good news. For the first time in a long time, I see a glimmer of hope and feel some hope for Pittsburgh. Some of the grey funk hovering over this city will dissolve soon enough. 

I mean seriously the fact that you get off from Bharatanatyam is seriously disturbed..

I would like to take this opportunity to ask the following very important question. A question that has plagued me for many years, a topic which has caused me lots of anxiety and annoyance and frustration. The question is: why do stupid Indian guys show up to my events?!?!

You know these type of guys. They see a cute girl and get really titillated and then have to go into their cars and masturbate. They might be successful and they're nice but weird at first. They're willing to give you their spaces rent free the first couple times (and now I realize they expect something, although I don't know exactly what it is) in return. I've never taken space for free and never will duh. They'll show up at your dance events and expect to see you dance right away and that's when my sensors go on (this guy literally said while my friend was performing 'hey when is this gonna be over. I just wanna see you perform and then leave'. Alert! Alert! Alert! Gross Indian guy alert! I responded with 'well you could just leave now.' And then they left. Phew. Please get out gross Indian guys. We don't want you in our programs. I'm nice but I ain't that nice. Please don't come to my events and please don't friend me on facebook!!

Sigh....

I had a dream I was pregnant and riding on a small roller coaster....manifestation is on its way :)

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/05/18/opinion/sunday/what-farm-to-table-got-wrong.html?referrer

pulling weeds in the yard = burning calories! another pronthee please!

the kadi is cooking beautifully for dinner:

 maki pronthees we had for lunch:

Ok people you know you want a Bhangra class with me.. Gotta pay for my pajamas help me out here..

May 2014 horoscope: http://www.eastrolog.com/monthly-horoscopes/

I'm horrible at reading people. Too much Libra energy!!!!

I don't know why I end up assuming that stress and drama isn't gonna happen again. That just because I've learned from it and am better able to handle it I assume it's hardly going to happen again in the future. But lo and behold it happens when I least expect it something isn't what I expected or someone isn't who I thought they were and I'm surprised. Although now not much shocks me, I've seen it all and you learn to just laugh at everything, make whatever changes need to occur and even be grateful for it because you're now free of what no longer serves your purpose. But it's interesting how we almost always are given a warning intuitively about what needs to change. I need to listen to the very first whisper I hear and not end up entertaining the drama when it occurs. I can steer clear of it from the first moment. I can become aware of my needs, create sound expectations and boundaries early on and only be surrounded by those I truly want to be surrounded with. Anyone who turns out to be a stress or ends up demanding attention from me is automatically gonna be removed. Life is so short and once you've had a taste of bliss, you can't go back. 

I really need to work on #4: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galit-breen/6-things-introverted-women-do-right_b_5321699.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

hey everybody, I didn't wear the right dress so let's get all excited about it: http://www.policymic.com/articles/89501/comedian-s-response-to-criticism-of-her-red-carpet-look-deserves-a-standing-ovation